How could you shut your heart against
me in that hour which makes you mine for ever ? Charlotte, ages cannot
efface the impression —— I feel you cannot hate the man who so passionately
loves you !"
After dinner he called his servant, desired him to finish the packing
up, destroyed many papers, and then went out to pay some trifling debts.
He soon returned home , then went out again, notwithstanding the rain,
walked for some time in the count"s garden, and afterward proceeded farther
into the country. Toward evening he came back once more , and resumed
his writing.
"Wilhelm, I have for the last time beheld the mountains, the forests,
and the sky. Farewell ! And you, my dearest mother, forgive me ! Console
her , Wilhelm. God bless you ! I have settled all my affairs! Farewell!
We shall meet again , and be happier than ever."
"I have requited you badly, Albert ; but you will forgive me. I
have disturbed the peace of your home. I have sowed distrust between you.
Farewell! I will end all this wretchedness. And oh , that my death may
render you happy! Albert , Albert ! make that angel happy, and the
blessing of Heaven be upon you!"
He spent the rest of the evening in arranging his papers: he tore
and burned a great many ; others he sealed up, and directed to Wilhelm.
They contained some detached thoughts and maxims, some of which I have
perused. At ten o"clock he ordered his fire to be made up , and a bottle
of wine to be brought to him. He then dismissed his servant , whose room,
as well as the apartments of the rest of the family , was situated in
another part of the house. The servant lay down without undressing, that
he might be the sooner ready for his journey in the morning , his master
having informed him that the post-horses would be at the door before six
o"clock.
"Past eleven o"clock! All is silent around me, and my soul is calm.
I thank thee, O God, that thou bestowest strength and courage upon me
in these last moments ! I approach the window, my dearest of friends
; and through the clouds , which are at this moment driven rapidly along
by the impetuous winds, I behold the stars which illumine the eternal
heavens. No , you will not fall, celestial bodies : the hand of the
Almighty supports both you and me ! I have looked for the last time upon
the constellation of the Greater Bear : it is my favourite star; for
when I bade you farewell at night , Charlotte, and turned my steps from
your door , it always shone upon me. With what rapture have I at times
beheld it ! How often have I implored it with uplifted hands to witness
my felicity ! and even still —— But what object is there , Charlotte,
which fails to summon up your image before me ? Do you not surround me
on all sides? and have I not , like a child , treasured up every trifle
which you have consecrated by your touch? "Your profile, which was so
dear to me, I return to you; and I pray you to preserve it. Thousands
of kisses have I imprinted upon it, and a thousand times has it gladdened
my heart on departing from and returning to my home.
"I have implored your father to protect my remains. At the corner
of the churchyard , looking toward the fields, there are two lime-trees
—— there I wish to lie. Your father can , and doubtless will , do
this much for his friend. Implore it of him. But perhaps pious Christians
will not choose that their bodies chould be buried near the corpse of
a poor, unhappy wretch like me. Then let me be laid in some remote valley,
or near the highway , where the priest and Levite may bless themselves
as they pass by my tomb , whilst the Samaritan will shed a tear for my
fate.
"See, Charlotte, I do not shudder to take the cold and fatal cup,
from which I shall drink the draught of death. Your hand presents it to
me, and I do not tremble. All, all is now concluded : the wishes and
the hopes of my existence are fulfilled. With cold, unflinching hand
I knock at the brazen portals of Death. Oh, that I had enjoyed the bliss
of dying for you!
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