Time hangs heavy upon my hands. The prince is as gracious to
me as any one could be, and yet I am not at my ease. There is, indeed,
nothing in common between us. He is a man of understanding, but quite
of the ordinary kind. His conversation affords me no more amusement than
I should derive from the perusal of a well-written book. I shall remain
here a week Ionger, and then start again on my travels. My drawings are
the best things I have done since I came here. The prince has a taste
for the arts, and would improve if his mind were not fettered by cold
rules and mere technical ideas. I often lose patience , when , with
a glowing imagination , I am giving expression to art and nature , he
interferes with learned suggestions , and uses at random the technical
phraseology of artists.
JULY 16. Once more I am a wanderer, a pilgrim, through the world.
But what else are you !
JULY 18. Whither am I going ? I will tell you in confidence. I am
obliged to continue a fortnight longer here , and then I think it would
be better for me to visit the mines in――。 But I am only deluding myself
thus. The fact is , I wish to be near Charlotte again, that is all.
I smile at the suggestions of my heart, and obey its dictates.
JULY 29. No , no ! it is yet well all is well ! I her husband!
O God , who gave me being, if thou hadst destined this happiness for
me, my whole life would have been one continual thanksgiving ! But I
will not murmur ―― forgive these tears, forgive these fruitless wishes.
She ―― my wife! Oh , the very thought of folding that dearest of Heaven"s
creatures in my arms! Dear Wilhelm , my whole frame feels convulsed
when I see Albert put his arms around her slender waist !
And shall I avow it ? Why should I not , Wilhelm? She would have
been happier with me than with him. Albert is not the man to satisfy the
wishes of such a heart. He wants a certain sensibility; he wants ――
in short, their hearts do not beat in unison. How often, my dear friend,
im reading a passage from some interesting book , when my heart and Charlotte"s
seemed to meet, and in a hundred other instances when our sentiments
were unfolded by the story of some fictitious character , have I felt
that we were made for each other! But, dear Wilhelm , he loves her
with his whole soul ; and what does not such a love deserve?
I have been interrupted by an insufferable visit. I have dried my
tears , and composed my thoughts. Adieu, my best friend !
AUGUST 4. I am not alone unfortunate. All men are disappointed in
their hopes , and deceived in their expectations. I have paid a visit
to my good old woman under the lime-trees. The eldest boy ran out to meet
me: his exclamation of joy brought out his mother, but she had a very
melancholy look. Her first word was , "Alas! dear sir , my little John
is dead." He was the youngest of her children. I was silent. "And my husband
has returned from Switzerland without any money ; and, if some kind
people had not assisted him , he must have begged his way home. He was
taken ill with fever on his journey." I could answer nothing, but made
the little one a present. She invited me to take some fruit : I complied,
and left the place with a sorrowful heart.
AUGUST 21. My sensations are constantly changing. Sometimes a happy
prospect opens before me; but alas ! it is only for a moment; and then,
when I am lost in reverie , I cannot help saying to myself , "If Albert
were to die ?
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