Enthusiasm ! 0 God!
thou seest my tears. Thou hast allotted us our portion of misery: must
we also have brethren to persecute us , to deprive us of our consolation,
of our trust in thee, and in thy love and mercy? For our trust in the
virtue of the healing root, or in the strength of the vine , what is
it else than a belief in thee from whom all that surrounds us derives
its healing and restoring powers? Father , whom I know not,―― who
wert once wont to fill my soul, but who now hidest thy face from me,
―― call me back to thee ; be silent no longer; thy silence shall not
delay a soul which thirsts after thee. What man , what father, could
be angry with a son for returning to him suddenly , for falling on his
neck, and exclaiming , "I am here again , my father! forgive me if
I have anticipated my journey , and returned before the appointed time!
The world is everywhere the same,―― a scene of labour and pain , of
pleasure and reward ; but what does it all avail ? I am happy only where
thou art, and in thy presence am I content to suffer or enjoy." And wouldst
thou, heavenly Father, banish such a child from thy presence?
DECEMBER 1. Wilhelm , the man about whom I wrote to you―― that
man so enviable in his misfortunes―― was secretary to Charlotte"s father
; and an unhappy passion for her which he cherished, concealed, and
at length discovered, caused him to be dismissed from his situation.
This made him mad. Think, whilst you peruse this plain narration , what
an impression the circumstance has made upon me ! But it was related
to me by Albert with as much calmness as you will probably peruse it.
DECEMBER 4. I implore your attention. It is all over with me. I can
support this state no longer. To-day I was sitting by Charlotte. She was
playing upon her piano a succession of delightful melodies, with such
intense expression! Her little sister was dressing her doll upon my lap.
The tears came into my eyes. I leaned down, and looked intently at her
wedding-ring: my tears fell―― immediately she began to play that favourite,
that divine , air which has so often enchanted me. I felt comfort from
a recollection of the past, of those bygone days when that air was familiar
to me ; and then I recalled all the sorrows and the disappointments which
I had since endured. I paced with hasty strides through the room, my
heart became convulsed with painful emotions. At length I went up to her,
and exclaimed With eagerness, "For Heaven"s sake , play that air no
longer!" She stopped , and looked steadfastly at me. She then said,
with a smile which sunk deep into my heart, "Werther , you are ill:
your dearest food is distasteful to you. But go , I entreat you, and
endeavour to compose yourself." I tore myself away. God , thou seest
my torments , and wilt end them!
DECEMBER 6. How her image haunts me ! Waking or asleep , she fills
my entire soul! Soon as I close my eyes, here , in my brain, where
all the nerves of vision are concentrated , her dark eyes are imprinted.
Here―― I do not know how to describe it ; but, if I shut my eyes,
hers are immediately before me: dark as an abyss they open upon me ,
and absorb my senses.
And what is man ―― that boasted demigod ? Do not his powers fail
when he most requires their use ? And whether he soar in joy , or sink
in sorrow , is not his career in both inevitably arrested? And, whilst
he fondly dreams that he is grasping at infinity, does he not feel compelled
to return to a consciousness of his cold, monotonous existence ?
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